FRIDAY
7pm: bring your written break-up stories to read aloud at word’s v-day edition of ‘just working on my novel‘ (10-minute time limit), free.
8pm: is it hot in peru, or is it just us? alistair r. noble of the hollow earth society lectures on the phallic stone monuments recently discovered near — wait for it — lake titicaca. observatory, $5. 
Imma hustler baby.
I won’t even pretend to know anything about strip clubs, so let’s turn again to Yelp for guidance on Larry Flint’s Huster Club: “There were some ‘ladies’ who were definitely questionable. I felt it as a evil joke by Larry to throw in some men in dresses pre-op for his own kicks. There was even this one woman working the pole who had to be at least 50 – was fairly gross…she worked it out though – work it sista!” Sounds awesome! This Craigslister is giving away about 500 passes to the club, with no expiration date. While admission is usually $20-$25, it should be noted that you can also print a free pass from the club’s site. If the Hustler Club is too Manhattan for you, you could always keep it local with BK strip clubs.
[via Gothamist]
See disaster eggs for Valentine’s Day [Daily News]
Park made of sludge [Brooklyn Paper]
Loose seals! [NY Post]
Pizza Hut’s $10,000 proposal package [Gothamist]
5 Blue Ivy merchandise you probably won’t be able to afford [L Mag]
Shit Park Slope Parents say [FiPS]
No Smorgasbooze yet [Brooklyn Paper]
Bikes beat sex [BoingBoing]
When it comes to Valentine’s Day, I’m firmly in Tim’s camp: it’s for suckers. Of course, I have a lot more to cry about than he does. Instead of doing that, I went to Fat Albert’s, the most wonderful department store in all of Bushwick, and shopped for all of you people. If you’re not familiar, Fat Albert’s is a giant, anything goes discount warehouse right by the Flushing Ave. J and M stop, described by a Yelp reviewer (the only Yelp reviewer, actually) as a place that “looks pretty beat up and does need an extreme makeover, but you can’t beat the prices.” Sounds like the perfect place to find a Valentine’s Day present!
You too can make a taco book! Via acherryontop.com
One problem with Brooklyn is that there just isn’t anywhere to learn things. Fortunately, Brooklyn Skillshare and BIG THINGS, a Bay Area arts and culture blog, are joining forces for BIG CITY: Brooklyn, an afternoon of workshops to learn you a thing or two. If you’ve ever wanted to learn how to make a confetti egg (or what one is), bookmaking or how to properly hold a Japanese tea ceremony, experts will be there to share their knowledge. If you think learning things is for nerds, you can still show up to browse the pop up art shop featuring local artists. It all goes down on Saturday from 10:30am to 3:30pm at LaunchPad, 731 Franklin Ave. There’s a $5 requested donation, and while they say no one will be turned away, come on. Don’t be a cheapskate.
Get on the cute bus. Via Flickr's Daniel Roode.
Valentine’s Day is just like any other day, except that everyone’s heart gets a whole lot cuter! No matter if you’re single or coupled up, the most important thing to remember is to keep it cute the whole day long! Lucky for you, Brooklyn is one of the cutest towns around, and Brokelyn’s made you a list of all kinds of cute things to do on Valentine’s Day, ya lil’ cutie.
Then there's this problem.
Press a button and it’s done. Single-serve coffee machines are delicious, easy, and a sure sign of your upward mobility. But The New York Times is blowing the foil lid off the terrible truth: those little plastic cups factor out to about $50 or more per pound. Apparently, single-serve coffee is one more devil spawn of Starbucks. The Times writes:
“Americans under the age of 40 are thinking about coffee pricing in cups,” said Ric Rhinehart, executive director of the Specialty Coffee Association of America. “If you asked my mother how much coffee cost, she would have told you that the red can was $5.25 a pound and the blue can was $4.25. If you ask people in their 20s and 30s, they’ll say coffee is $1.75 to $3.75 a cup.”
Of course, it follows that anyone charging $175 for a coffee maker will probably rip you off on the coffee itself, especially when they pack it in tiny, excessively wrapped, proprietary containers. Consider it the Gillette safety razor of coffee. Here’s the Times’ full story.
VCR nostalgia is a thing, even if some of us consider VCRs to be among the worst technologies ever made obsolete, right up there with pagers and Windows 97. But whatever weird fetish you have for glitchy, jumpy movies — or maybe an art project that involves these things — this Craigslister has three working VCRs and about 30 tapes to give you. Might we suggest an art exhibit called something like “Tracking tracking: The Fuzzy Line of Mortality?”
You should choo-choo-choose to go to this!
If all the rest of these ideas for taking your sweetie out/finding someone to at least Band Aid over your shattered heart for V-Day have failed you, we’ve got one more big chance: our friends at the skint are presenting this Sunday’s special Tell Your Friends (With Benefits) Valentine’s Day show at the Bell House, and we have a pair of tickets to give away! The show is hosted by Liam McEneaney, and features Wyatt Cenac of The Daily Show, Hari Kondabolu (Jimmy Kimmel Live, Comedy Central Presents) and Ashok Kondabolu (of Das Racist), Jessi Klein (Best week Ever, Saturday Night Live) and Victor Varnado (writer for Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O’Brien), with musical guests Bridget & The Squares. Plus, the first 100 people get a free Robicelli’s cupcake!
The best for your buck? Photo via Yelp.
The best dollar slice in all of New York City is Percy’s Pizza at 190 Bleecker St. in the Village, or so says the NY Post, who lauds it as a “tasty thin slice that crackles when you bite into it … Not too salty, not too greasy, it’s lightly sauced and not overwhelmed with cheese or sugar.” Of note, before going super cheap-o in December, the space was an outpost of South Brooklyn Pizza, which charged a ludicrous $4 a slice (I don’t care how good your damn tomatoes are), but it didn’t catch on amid the nabe’s other cheap eateries. The Post also reveals the ingredients to make the average eight-slice pizza cost a mere $4, so Percy’s is banking just 50 cents a slice. What say you, Brokesters? Is it worth a trip into the city? Do you have a favorite $1 slice in Brooklyn? It’s hard to beat those beer-and-a-whole-pizza deals. [via the skint]
