Remember them? Shut your teen whore mouth because no you do not.

Yo, broke brahs! Are you a totally souped-up rad dude? Or a tween hoping to ruin the future life of your newborn baby? Here’s your chance: MTV is casting a ton of crap right now, and they want you! From the creative geniuses that brought you Teen Mom, A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila (see what they did there?) and the infamous Jersey Shore, comes a new reality show, or one that already exists, starring you! They’re looking for all sorts of people from different walks of life who are willing to trade a little dignity for tevee fame, so before long you could go from average nobody to trading tweets with John McCain and writing best-selling books. Here is a sampling of three ways you can have your life filmed, then chopped into filler between commercial breaks.

Option 1: Be young and insecure
MTV is looking for girls who perpetually date the “bad boy”. Oooooo.

If you often find yourself defending your boyfriend to your friends, family, and even strangers, then share your story with us! Does he promise to call you and 3 days later you’re just hoping he’ll text? Are you always balancing between the awful/explosive moments and the really great ones? We are looking for couples who appear between the ages of 16 and 25 who have been dating for at least 3 months. If this sounds like your relationship, please send an email to badboys@mtv.com with a picture of yourself and your “boyfriend” … and why your guy is such a bad boy!

Not only does MTV make you sound pretty pathetic, they also push the knife a little further by putting “boyfriend” in quotes. So not only are you taking this exploitative crap from your “boyfriend,” you have to put up with it already from MTV casting.

Option 2: Be from Jersey and really like shoes

MTV Summer Wraps is looking for a real life couple who appear to be between the ages of 18-25 to participate in a back to school makeover spot … Couple must be available 8/16 in Asbury Park, NJ … you will receive a copy of the spot and be able to keep shoes that are worn.

This one, I could actually see myself auditioning for. I like shoes. I like make-overs. But being that the ages are 18-25, I’m assuming if you are this age and going to school, you’re in college. Doesn’t everyone just wear pajama pants and hoodies anyway? So, it begs the question, would anyone pull themselves out of their hangover long enough to care? Methinks, ah, no.

Option 3: Be a completely braggy jackwad.
This one made my brain hurt. This is just- I can’t.

Do you, or someone you know, make a living while being surrounded by celebrities? Or mix business with pleasure, partying the night away with the hottest girls in the club? Are you your own boss, or maybe just have more excitement on the job than most people have in their free time? Now is your chance to show the world why you have the Best Job Ever.

And there’s much more. But you know what? This is just my opinion. I’m sure that I’m just bitter because I’m 26, never had the guts to audition for The Real World, and am swimming in student-loan debt, unlike our beloved Snooki. So, whatever. Go audition for that show, be a huge success, and I will sit here watching the entire season of your super-successful show over and over again on one of the many MTV marathons like the unflashy-job-having-slightly-too-old loser that I am. And I will love you for it. God, will I love you. And I will hate everyone who talks bad about you on Gawker and random message boards (it’s like high school, but bigger! And forever!).

Also, MTV, I do love MADE. You had something right with that one.

Follow Meghan: @mdoherty04.

YouTube version

Last week, we broke the story that the Obama Fried Chicken in Brownsville was featured in Clipse’s new rap video on YouTube, but that the restaurant marquee was erased for the MTV version. Our scoop sparked cries of censorship on message boards and in fried chicken restaurants around the country. But it turns out that capitalism, not politics, was behind the move to erase the controversially-named restaurant‘s sign for MTV. In an exclusive interview with Brokelyn, “Popular Demand” director Rik Cordero says the decision was not made by him, the network, or the artists. So whose call was it?

“The decision was made by the owner of the restaurant,” said Cordero, “who wouldn’t sign our location agreement unless we paid him $3,000 cash. Therefore, the sign had to be edited out for network television.”

"Popular Demand" director Cordero.

Apparently, the version on YouTube, shown below, is not governed by such constraints. Cordero added that “there was really no hidden meaning” behind his choosing to film the video at a restaurant once protested by Al Sharpton for propagating racial stereotypes:

“Our treatment called for a location in front of a chicken spot on the intersection of Rutland and Rockaway, we had a choice of shooting in front of Crown Fried or Obama and the majority of the talent and crew on set voted for Obama. Now you can argue that Obama Fried Chicken had the chicken game on lock because it was way busier than Crown Fried that day, but that’s beside the point.”

The best part of this whole story? That in a hilarious reversal of typical business practices, the restaurant owner had the gall to demand three grand from someone who wanted to advertise his company on MTV. And the craziest thing: it totally worked!

“I can’t really knock the guy,” Cordero said, “because taking out the sign has now given Obama Fried Chicken even more free promotion than if we had left it in.”

The two videos, in case you missed them. First the YouTube version, followed by the MTV version with a blank marquee where “Obama Fried Chicken” should be.

But the video, which also features Cam’ron, is not shot at Popeye’s—the restaurant featured on screen seems to have no name at all. Somewhat oddly, the trio raps at length in front of a place with a blank yellow marquee. You have to watch the unsanitized version on YouTube to find out that the location is the infamous/beloved Obama Fried Chicken in Brownsville, Brooklyn, as the following before-and-after shots reveal.

YouTube version

MTV version

It is possible that MTV erased the Obama Fried Chicken sign for the same two reasons networks typically pixilate brand cameos: they 1) don’t want to run afoul of copyright laws or 2) don’t want to give free advertising.

Or is it there another reason behind the yellow-out? That MTV doesn’t want to deal with the fallout from blaring “Obama Fried Chicken” across American TV screens? You may remember the local controversy surrounding the place when it first opened in March. City Councilman Charles Barron, called the eatery’s name “outrageous” saying that it plays into “racist stereotyping of black people in America” and threatened protests. The owner, a Bangladeshi immigrant, defended the name as a tribute.

There’s also a decent chance that director Rik Cordero was intentionally trying to create a stir. Cordero, a Queens native, is also behind a number of contentious videos including last year’s “Be a N****r Too” video for Nas, which included lynching footage and other Civil War-era racist imagery. Following are the two videos, starting with the unscrubbed version, followed by MTV’s take.