You can be a TaskRabbit like Chris M. -- or hire one.

Maybe you’ve heard about TaskRabbit, the web site where you can post small jobs for pre-screened helpers to bid on. We’ve written about them; I recently reviewed TaskRabbit for New York Magazine. Since it was a positive experience, I’m happy to pass along a tip that you can get $25 off your first task through 1/22 by entering SCOUTMOB at checkout. (The deal isn’t on the app.) Also, if you have a van / toolkit / mad Ikea assembly skills (a top NYC request) the service is still hiring rabbits, especially “handymen, house cleaners and those with ready access to easy transportation (cars)” says Jamie Viggiano, head of marketing for the company. You have to be pretty hardcore to eek out a living as a full-time rabbit, but a few of the part-timers I met were profitably supplementing day jobs with a few TR gigs a week.

Not you too Ikea. Not you too.

With all the recent hubbub about the fate of indie bookstores (especially the sniping over a petition to save the city’s St. Marks Books), you’d think we’re nearing a critical choke point in the industry’s future. Discount furniture embassy Ikea is already betting against the printed book. The Economist reports Ikea is releasing a new, deeper version of its popular $50 “Billy” bookcase designed more as decoration to hold “ornaments, tchotchkes and the odd coffe-table-tome” — but not, notably, ye olde ink-and-paper bundles of words. Have you ever tried putting books on a too-big shelf? It messes up your whole literary feng shui! I can’t put Tom Wolfe behind Thomas Wolfe; they’d never get along! Also, some of us think pretty shelves packed with intriguing spines promising endless adventures is great decoration on its own, right? What say you?

you meat eaters sure love weird food

Not to overdo it on Ikea coverage this week, but here’s a very enticing reason to overdo it at Ikea tomorrow: the Swedish emporium of stuff white people like hosts a kräftskiva, an all-you-can-eat crayfish party at  only $9.99 per person and $2.49 for kids under 12 (it’s limited seating so purchase advance tickets). Plus, did you know kids eat free at Ikea through Sunday? And, in case you’re still unsure of what to expect at a furniture store doubling as a cafeteria, Gothamist runs down Ikea’s under-appreciated culinary delights. For instance, every Wednesday is Rib Night, offering a half rack of baby back ribs, fries and cornbread for just $7.99. Don’t get sauce on your Boliden.

Slightly creepy kid shot courtesy of Ikea.

We’ve been accused of nursing a little Ikea obsession, so if you’re not a breeder, you can skip this item. But if you are, and you join “Ikea Family,” you get 30 minutes extra at the Småland  play area (thank you cut and paste), the only reason why any parent might leave Ikea with their bookshelves and sanity in tact. Everyone else just gets an hour, according to the web site, though we swear it was 45 minutes on our last visit. Ikea Family is free and members also get discounts on some items, a chance to win a $100 gift card whenever you shop and free coffee or tea. We’re guessing they also get a chip embedded in the neck to track Karlstad purchases and meatball consumption but that’s only a theory and did we mention that extra half hour of play time? Join here, if you want. By the way, Ikea is open until midnight this Friday (8/19), with extended water taxi and shuttle service.

This here Oppdal bed is big news.

If you’ve been putting off a trip to Ikea for Billy bookshelves, this weekend they come with gratis gravlax. Yep, if you spend $100 or more, you get to eat in the cafe for free — so says the Ikea web site. BTW, the new 2012 Ikea catalog just came out, and if you can’t wait to find out what Torva, Tived, Isala and Oppdal (left) refer to, here’s a link.

A happy Erie Basin Parkgoer. Photo by Timothy Krause.

For no reason in particular, it’s double-shot-of-Ikea Friday! Even if tonight’s lingonberry meatballs aren’t your thing, you have all summer and beyond to explore Ikea’s adjacent Erie Basin Park, as it’s officially called, one of the most underutilized outdoor spaces in Brooklyn. We discovered it recently, and now no trip for particleboard shelves is complete without at least an hour lolling amid the reedy something-or-other grasses or taking a round-trip cruise on the (hello! free on weekends!) Ikea water taxi. If you haven’t noticed that the blue corrugated mega-box is surrounded by picturesque parkstuffs, click the pic below to see a wondrous photo collection by Broketographer Timothy Krause. Thanks Tim!

More happy, and extremely cute, parkgoers at Ikea Erie Basin Park. Photo by Timothy Krause.

The eight weeks of practical training includes handy stuff like “the safe use and proper care of hand tools, power tools and state-of-the-art woodworking machinery… and shop production, wood technology, finishing techniques, cabinet installation, mechanical drawing and job search skills.” BK Woods even pitches in two years of job placement services, in case you don’t instantly land that master-track apprenticeship.

Given that the program’s a full-time, two-month commitment, it is only designed for certain individuals: namely the unemployed or those with low-income or on public assistance. But if that’s you, and you’re at least 21, the other requirements are pretty few (they’ll even take past substance-abusers and criminals).

To learn more and apply, just show up at one of the Wednesday morning orientation sessions (10 a.m. at 125 8th St. between Second and Third Aves.), and bring an official ID and resume. All the details are here.

MoMA-store looks, Ikea pricetag. The new Tradig Bowl, $24.99.

Even if your iPhone fund went to student loans and the price of a single Chanel clog is more than your share of the rent, there’s one product launch we can all get in on:  IKEA’s annual catalog release.

The print version, won’t be in local stores for a few more weeks, but the online 2011 catalog is now available for browsing.

New products officially launched in August have been quietly appearing in stores throughout the summer (some are not yet available online) while a few old favorites have dropped in price.  The highlights:

New stuff

* For about the cost of a 64GB iPad with 3G, you could loll in the memory foam comfort of a Kivik sectional. The new Kivik series includes 95 products: sofas, sofas with removable arms, sofa beds, loveseats, chaises, ottomans, and slipcovers. The sofa bed includes arms that cleverly flip open to store bedding or your roommate’s yippy dog. Sofas: $450-$600. Sectionals: $750-$900.

* The Stall series of flip-open cabinets addresses the hopeless task of getting all those shoes off the floor. $89-$129 (about four bucks a shoe).

* The Vika Veine, a new table top in the Vika series (I came, I saw, I cleaned my desk?), has a felt-lined lid that opens up to become a memo board and closes to hide your junk. $159

* The wiry red Tradig bowl looks like you bought it at the MoMA. $24.99

Old stuff with a new look

* The earth mother Karlstad sofa finally got dressed up to go out with a new grey cover and chrome legs. $659. Not available until 2011.

Brada Bing! The snazzy new $9.99 laptop-in-bed tray from Ikea.

* The cottage-style Hemnes wood furniture collection is now available in grey-brown.

If you still crave that new tech-gadget smell or need to possess at least one hot fashion trend, consider the Brada laptop tray. For $9.99 you’ll get polka-dotted style and an end to that 11-pound HP Pavilion singeing your thigh.

The author boards the bus. Photos by Eric Reichbaum.

Ikea is practically its own sovereign Swedish colony on the banks of the Gowanus Bay. So it only makes sense that the store has its own intricate system of transit involving everything save for aircraft (so far, at least). But which mode of transport is the best for you? And by that, of course, we mean: which one is the cheapest? Herein then we lay out the specific costs of all the different ways to transport your Ektorp or Aspelund back to your apartment so you can choose smartly, and not fall into the fjord of poor decisions.

To standardize the results, we picked a set address, that of the now-fabled “stash spot” from Jay-Z’s banger “Empire State of Mind,” 560 State St. And we picked a standard item to test across all platforms: the Kullen, a three-door beast of a wardrobe that comes in two boxes and clocks in at $149 dollars and 228 pounds, which we choose as a fair representative of a difficult-to-transport item (and maybe hoping for some accidental search traffic for New Moon fans).

ONLINE DELIVERY

Total Cost: $149

Not to come off as biased or anything, but if you choose to have your item delivered directly from Ikea’s Web site, you are D-U-M dumb. Getting our Kullen delivered from Ikea.com comes out to a whopping $149—a 100 percent shipping fee, meaning you could get two Kullens (Kulli?) for the same price!!

Plus the earliest delivery we could get was in eight to 11 days, and only during weekday business hours, when we’re never home.

If you still wish to choose this option, please instead send $148 to Tim Donnelly, c/o Brokelyn.com, and he will personally pick up your item from the store and bring it to your doorstep on the very same day along with a complimentary package of Swedish meatballs.

GYPSY CABS

Total cost: $25-35 for a van

Typically, a crowd of guys with vans and cars station themselves across the street from the store (and sometimes hand out cards at the Borough Hall shuttle stop), offering to take your junk home. You have to approach them with all the subtlety of a drug deal, and they speak in whispered tones.

Downside: Dealing with unlicensed delivery folks has its risks. Plus, prices may vary depending on who’s out there. And we bet getting them to climb the flights of stairs will involve extra dough.

The shuttle: comfy seats, free ride, lets you off nowhere you need to go.

IKEA SHUTTLE

Total cost: Free

The complimentary shuttle runs to Smith and 9th, 4th and 9th and Borough Hall subway stations from 3pm to 9pm daily Monday through Friday and Saturday and Sunday from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. While it’s free, odds are it doesn’t take you anywhere near your door.

Downside: One time, this summer, my roommate and I were on the shuttle carrying a futon chair and a bag full of goodies when the thing broke down, stranding us in some godforsaken part of Red Hook for 40 minutes. We ended up having to call a cab anyway because the replacement shuttle was nowhere in sight.

CRAIGSLIST

Total cost: Prices are all over the board, with some listed as $50 per hour with a two-hour minimum to $30 per hour, to some that invite you to just make an offer.

Craigslist is loaded with ads for man-with-a-van guys willing to take you home from Ikea under the services labor/move section. Prices here vary wildly, as do spelling and punctuation. Some say they will bring blankets, dollies and other things to help the move and others offer assembly services.

Downside: It’s Craigslist, so you’re walking the fine line between cheapness and downright sketchiness. For all you know, this could be the person who comes to pick you up.

U-HAUL

Total cost: About $30 for up to two hours (including your gas expense); $19.95 an hour and 99 cents a mile after that (plus gas).

The store has a U-Haul desk stationed by the exit for your convenience. Both vans and trucks are available and the flat rate is $9.95 an hour for up to two hours.

Downside: A whole U-Haul truck or van may be larger than you need. Those trucks guzzle gas like Jay-Z sips Mai Tais.

STORE DELIVERY

Total cost: $119 (including additional walk-up charges to the fifth floor)

Ikea’s in-store delivery service (operated by Urban Express) has a flat rate of $89 for bringing your stuff around Brooklyn. Anything over 1,000 pounds cost an extra 10 cents per pound. You can choose from next-day or same-day delivery, and they give you a four-hour window to chose from.

Downside: Four hours can be a long time to sit around waiting for your furniture, and there’s a $30 fee if you have to cancel or reschedule the delivery. And the fee only includes delivering up three floors of a walk-up building. After that, it’s $15 per floor. But if you’ve got a half ton of furniture…

CAR SERVICE

Total cost (Arecibo in Park Slope): $10 for a town car plus tip; more for a larger car

Arecibo said our trip would cost just $10 for a regular town car, but the price varies for larger cars such as minivans and Suburbans. The guy couldn’t give an estimate (“it depends on what you have”) but we’re pretty confident we could cram our Kullen boxes into the car, even if it means riding shotty.

Downside: I’m not sure if there is a downside here.

RENTAL CAR

Total cost (Enterprise Rental Car in Park Slope): Intermediate SUV: $76.71 per day; economy car: $46.74 per day. Both do not include gas costs, which will run you between $10 and $20 bucks to and from Ikea with current gas prices.

Renting a car gives you the flexibility to move on your own schedule. Plus, you’ve got the car for the whole day! Do your big grocery shopping! Go apple-picking upstate! Turn up the radio’s bass and cruise down the street blasting “Run This Town!”

Downside: Ugh gas prices. Ugh street parking.

The city bus. Luckily this one is empty.

BUS

Total cost: $4.50 roundtrip bus fare

Same deal as the subway in terms of cost, but the bus will get you closer to the store itself. The B77 (which originates at 10th Street and 5th Avenue in Park Slope) and B61 (which goes to Greenpoint and Queens) take you right to Ikea. Bus drivers will let you haul one of the big boxes onto the bus.

Downside: While it is feasible to fit the large boxes into through the door and onto an open seat, a packed bus will leave you no place to stash the Kullen. Getting a big heavy box through the door and down the aisle isn’t a simple task either.

ZIP CAR

Total cost: If not a member, about $107 (including $50 to join, $25 application fee and about $32 for a three-hour trip in a truck); With membership: About $32 for three hours in a truck. Rates start at $8 an hour but vary depending on type of car.

This one breaks down to whether you already have a Zip Car membership, or can at least con the card out of one of your friends with one. The plus sides here are that you can drive your own car on your own schedule, don’t have to pay for gas, and you can get a variety of sizes of vehicle from sedan to truck. Plus, Zip Car has cars in several locations around Brooklyn ready for pick up and even a few cars stationed at Ikea to use while there. Plus, if your trip is taking longer than you thought, there’s an iPhone app that lets you easily add more time on to your reservation.

Downside: The application fee is a bit steep, so if this is the only use you’ll have for a Zip Car, you should look elsewhere.

And then, you have your basic public transit:

SUBWAY

Total cost: $4.50 roundtrip subway fare

The subway will take you as close as the 4th Ave./9th Street station on the F, D, M or R trains and there you can get on the free shuttle. Or take the 2, 3, 4, 5, M or R to Borough Hall and take the shuttle.

Downside: Unless you’ve got an army of at least four schleppers to help you lug the 228-pounds of Swedish ingenuity, or some sort of monstrous MegaUltraHyper Granny Cart with which to carry it, this option doesn’t do much for you. Plus, you ever try getting on the train with a bike? Try a hulking mass of furniture. Not recommended.