Colbert: Not drunk enough to enjoy this yet

Last night, Stephen Colbert gave a laudatory Tip of the Hat  to the new dirt cheap beer on the block: Big Flats, the $3.99 Walgreen’s six pack that recently hit New York (see the full video below). He says the “cheaper than gum beer” is exactly what America needs in tough times. We’re no strangers to budget beer, so Big Flats landed in our carts as soon as it hit the shelves. While the sixer costs $1 more in New York than elsewhere, it’s still half the cost of a beer in a bar. Colbert likes it, but as members of the “blogos-beer,” does it pass our standards? Here’s what you need to know about Big Flats:

Variety: Lager.

Cost: With tax and bottle deposit, 77 cents a can.

Alcohol content: Isn’t listed on the can, but the internets say it’s 4.5 percent.

But really: We don’t believe the internets: you get way more than 4.5 percent wasted on one can.

Keep in mind: You can only buy it until 9 p.m. at Walgreens.

The flavor: Can best be described as “generic,” but isn’t terrible. This comes from a guy who has reached his lifetime limit of PBR consumption (too many long nights with bitter taste buds, ridiculously frequent trips to the bathroom and … Blue Ribbon gas bubbles ruining otherwise pleasant social outings). Creamy and smooth, Big Flats is slightly tinny but mostly bland. Not super bubbly like the drug store’s next cheapest option, Miller High Life, and definitely not as crisp.

The buzz: Foggy and constricting, like downing a malt liquor too quickly and suddenly being forced to do math problems. After drinking several last night, I felt a sense of rot gut setting in, seemingly crystallizing in a heavy stone in my stomach that made sitting up from the couch as difficult a task as Phil Connors escaping Punxsutawney in Groundhog Day (which we happened to be watching at the time).

Similar to: Nametag Beer (Trader Joe’s brand); Genesee Cream Ale.

The verdict: Even for cheap beer, you can do better. If Big Flats were available as the cheapest option in a bar (which it isn’t), I would buy it. But I would probably get in a fight that night too. This is not the brew to pull out to impress your guests, though it does get the job done in a pinch. For my real drinking on the cheap, I’ll stick with Simpler Times lager from Trader Joe’s. It costs the same, and packs a bigger punch: 6.2 percent alcohol, with a flavor that I’ve either alrady gotten used to, or is possibly even somewhat enjoyable.

But, if more snowpocalyi ensue, Walgreens is a lot closer to my apartment than TJ’s, so I could see a lot of what, as Colbert says, “some critics have called beer” in my future.

(Big Flats discussion starts at 2:15)

J-E-T-S JETS (beer) JETS JETS (beer)

It’s rare to be this deep into the playoffs and still holding your head high as New Yorker, so even though we don’t own a TV, we’ll be in front of a big screen Sunday rooting for Gang Green to make short work of those rusty yinzers. We’re not tackling the game unarmed, and neither should you: Check out our guide to cheap football bars, combining our picks with reader favorites; if you need a nosh to calm your nerves, lots of spots in our free bar food roundup are game-friendly. Staying in? Don’t forget our super-scientific study of the best value for cheap beers before you fill the fridge. But if you’re still a disgruntled Giants fan, pound some beer and shot specials. Tell us any game day deals we missed!

appaholics

Here at the intersection of frugality and technology, we’re always on the lookout for the best of both worlds to help you save your hard-earned coin. That’s why the idea of a happy-hour sleuthing iPhone app most appeals to us: it’s the perfect tool for the brokester on the go who’ll never let a little thing like geographic naiveté stop them from seeking cheap booze. L Magazine rolled out the first app late last year, and now there are two, thanks to the Village Voice. Both deserve a toast, but which to get: L Magazine’s “Cocktail Compass” or Village Voice Media’s “Happy Hours” app? Here’s the rundown of each and our verdict.

Features

Each tells you your distance from the bar (with a Google Map option) and the exact countdown time until the drink specials begin or end.

Cocktail Compass

Cocktail Compass: full details, including times and drink deals and whether food is involved. Search for a bar by name, search the directory of all bars by borough, and tag your favorites. A cab option claims to tell you the best cab company to ring from your current location, but I was directed to the same taxi service from both my Brooklyn home and from the Financial District. Too late for happy hour? The app tells me to “search for open bars instead.” Really exciting, until I realized “open bar” meant the opposite of “closed,” not “the desirable status of the bar at your friend’s wedding.”

Happy Hours: search by location, day and time, food or drink specials, type of cuisine, features (including “after hours,” “dance floor,” and “live entertainment) and buzz (“kid friendly,” “people watching,” and “good for groups”). You can also rate the events via “like” or “eh” buttons and see the overall ratings for each location.

Happy Hours

Navigation

Cocktail Compass: iPhone users will appreciate Cocktail Compass’s information architecture, as it more closely resembles the layout of the iPhone itself, with smaller icons and fewer steps to retrieve information. The five major options are listed across the bottom. This could be due to the fact that there isn’t an extensive list of filtering options, making this tool more simple.

Happy Hours: a little overwhelming. They could have made more of the filter options available on the front page, like CC. It takes a lot of tapping to several different windows to achieve the specific filter I want.

The Verdict

Cocktail Compass=Mac and Happy Hours=PC with all the bells and whistles, and slightly clunky operating system.

Due to an unexpected stampede, we are completely sold out of Beer Books. To put your name on a waiting list so we can let you know if any more become available, please send an email to beerbook@brokelyn.com.

Your dilemmas: You have a craft-ale palate and a PBR budget. And you want to try some new places, maybe even outside your neighborhood. But where to go?

Our solution: The Brokelyn Beer Book!

Yes, readers, your fellow lushes at Brokelyn—and the insane design talents at The Heads of State—have joined forces on The Brokelyn Beer Book, a passport to our favorite bars and beer-centric eateries that gives you a chance to try a whole bunch of new places (or revisit old favorites) for a teensy fraction of what it would cost you without our generous financial-aid package.

Quite simply, The Brokelyn Beer Book is a coupon book good for 25 beers—pints, bottles, microwbrews and craft ales—at 25 of the borough’s best brew pubs, taverns, beer-loving restaurants, dive bars and even a bowling alley.

How much would you pay for all of these beers? Purchased one at a time, you’d pay at least $125. Easily $150. And possibly more.

But the cost for this never-before-available-to-the-public book is just $25. Or a buck a beer. (Not including the generous tip you will surely leave in your overjoyed state and the rounds you will buy your friends afterwards because you’re feeling so flush.)

It’s no accident that our limited-edition Brokelyn Beer Book comes just in time for Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re old marrieds or new maybes, is there any better way to say “I’d love to get drunk with you?”

This handsomely designed book features all the greatest bars from Greenpoint to the South Slope: The Atlantic ChipShop, Bar Great Harry, Bar Matchless, The Bell House, Black Mountain Winehouse, Black Rabbit, The Brazen Head, Brooklyn Bowl, Brooklyn Brewery, Brooklyn Ice House, B61, Ceol, The Charleston, The Diamond, The Gate, High Dive,  Manhattan Inn, No. 7, Pacific Standard, The Sackett, Sidecar, Strong Place, Sycamore,  Trophy Bar and Union Hall. And you can walk, not run, to cash these coupons in—they’re redeemable through the end of 2010.

Click here to find out more about our participating bars.

No, the limited-edition Brokelyn Beer Book is not sold in stores at any price. Order here—by Tuesday for Valentine’s Day delivery. (Wednesday’s probably still okay but Thursday might be pushing it. UPDATE: The book is sold out. Please put your name on our waiting list by emailing beerbook@brokelyn.com.

Find your very own Santa at the BK Holiday Meatup

Holidays. Nog with two straws. People skating hand-in-hand. Sickeningly cute couples huddled for warmth behind a frosted coffee shop window. It’s all enough happy winter romantic goo to make you want to vomit. And you know damn well you want to be a part of it. Unfortunately, December is a notoriously crappy time to meet new people to date, what with everyone’s attentions all on parties and family and such. But this year, don’t worry, because the BK Meatup is back, and it’s meatier than before.

The BK Holiday Meatup (naughty office-party theme) is this Wednesday, Dec. 9, from 7 to 11 p.m. at the Bell House. Be prepared for hot Santas, one hour of free strong drinks to attack your inhibitions, $3 Busch beers all night, free massages (endings may vary) and hot dogs for sale by recently Martha Stewart-approved Asia Dog.

Tickets are $10 ahead of time, $15 at the door. So buy one now! Click on the meatup ad on our page to get tickets (down there, on the right, in red, with the words “GETTING LAID” on it). Yep, you found it. Now, good luck under the mistletoe.

But we know you want more out of the world than just one can. And so it’s time to break free from those blue ribbons and embrace a post PBR-era. And there are plenty of other low-cost options.

This we determined by slogging through them, one by one.  With low budgets and thirsty gullets, we set out to answer the question: when it comes to the bottom-of-the-cost-ladder beers out there, which ones are the best?

Our approach was academic—we collected a representative sample of 13 of the cheapest brews (we’re saving malt liquor for a future panel) available in Brooklyn and put them before a panel of eight diverse, educated (and mostly financially challenged) beer drinkers to blind taste test our way through this watery, gassy, mess. All beer prices are from the Thrifty Beverage Center at 990 McDonald Ave., unless otherwise indicated.

Our panel agrees: it's especial

HONORABLE MENTION #1

Modelo Especial
Overall score: 5.5
$13.99 per 12-pack ($0.10 per oz)
The panel gave Modelo a modest overall score, but still chose it as their second favorite in a final round of voting. It got props for its “back of the tongue bitter” taste, its pleasing amber color and smooth drinkability.
Comments:
Robin (female): “This tastes like Gowanus Yacht Club.”
Jeremy (enthusiast): “More complex flavor. Possibly made with actual hops.”
Dave: “No crap after taste.”

HONORABLE MENTION #2

Simpler Times
Overall score: 5.9
$3.99 per 6-pack: ($0.06 per oz) only available at Trader Joe’s
This high-alcohol content (6.2 percent) lager has been an increasingly common site around the borough since it appeared on Trader Joe’s shelves last winter. With a flavor our panel, not unkindly, described as “tastes like beer” and “reminds me of grandpa,” it’s a serviceable beverage a few lunges above swill at an indisputably recession-friendly price. (Full disclosure: seven out of the eight members of the beer panel are currently or have recently been employees of Trader Joe’s.)
Comments:
Noah (had his first beer last year): “I like this beer.”

THE WORST

Tecate
Overall score: 3.0
$21.99 per 24-pack ($0.08 per oz)
In the biggest shocker of our blind taste test, our panel learned that, bereft of its alluring red can (and optional lime garnish), everyone absolutely despised Tecate. This was true even for Ryan, previously a Tecate fan, who brought this entry to our competition and even cracked one open as an appetizer before the tasting began. His comments: “Words cannot describe how much I hate this one. I would pay $0 for it.” The poor Tecate was also maligned for its bad aftertaste, wretched odor and weak flavor.

THE UGLIEST (Lowest appearance score)

THE REST

Jeremy braces for another round of tasting

Ballantine
Overall score: 4.13
$1.75 for 22 oz ($0.08 per oz)*
Curtis: “Could be more boring.”

Miller Genuine Draft
Overall score: 4.44
$16.99 for 30-pack ($0.05 per oz)
Noah: “Bubbly”

Photo by Lulu 11.

Calling all single Brokelynites—we want to hook you up! We proudly present the BK Meatup (meat market + meetup) that we’re co-sponsoring on Wednesday Sept. 30 along with our fave digisphere partners: FuckedinParkSlope (FiPS) and Brooklyn Based.

So why a singles party? It all started when commenters wrote to FIPS about how hard it was to hook up with other single people in Strolleropolis and thus a meatup was born. Read FIPS for the whole story but here’s the quick version of what you can expect on Wednesday, September 30 at The Bell House, from 7 to 11.

We’re going heavy on the cheap booze:  jello shots, Busch beer from $2 from 7-8 (and $3 the rest of the night) and easy on the gimmicks, unless you consider a wet t-shirt contest for dudes a gimmick.

We’ll also have prizes (something big and scary from Babeland, a night at the Hotel LeBleu, a class at the Brooklyn Kitchen’s soon-to-open Cooking School). And since all that meating and greeting works up an appetite, we’ll also have the La Cense Burger Truck parked outside. Look here for non-stop flogging of this extraordinary event (you might even get to preview some of the eligibles).

Buy a ticket here. ($10 and going fast!) Become a BK Meatup Fan on Facebook. Respond “Yes” to our Facebook BK Meatup invite. Follow @BKMeatup on Twitter (and if you tweet about us, make sure to include the #bkmeatup hashtag). Bring your grooviest friends but don’t just spend all night talking to them cause you can see them any time and what would be the point of that?

FIPS, Brooklyn Based, and Brokelyn Present:
THE FIRST BROOKLYN MEATUP
WEDNESDAY, SEPT. 30, 7-11PM
TICKETS $10 in advance and at the door, on sale now!
THE BELL HOUSE
149 7th Street, Brooklyn, NY
(718) 643-6510
thebellhouseny.com

Papacito's, home of the $1.50 taco.

ASME is the American Society for Magazine Editors. Add another ‘S’ to that, and you’ve got ASSME: the American Society for Shit-Canned Media Elites—a support group and material pool for pink-slipped members of the worlds of word and pictures.

On the ASSME blog today, Brooke Moreland (she’s Broke to us!) writes a fun piece about a whole day’s worth of cheap-o activities you can do in Greenpoint, starting with handball ($1 if you don’t have any of the equipment already), moving on to $7 yoga, $1.50 tacos at Papacito’s, and ending with a 7-and-a-half hour drinking marathon, planned for those with plenty of experience imbibing in the middle of the afternoon and consisting of over half the day’s $25 budget. You’ll have to read the piece to find out where to get $2 pitchers and so much more. Bravo, Ms. Moreland: a day well spent, and with plenty of unemployment-check change left over.

[via the skint]

The mag also suggests running cheap vodka through a Brita filter. A liter of Fleischmann’s is about as fiery a concoction as was ever distilled, and four runs through a Brita filter noticeably cuts the harshness. In fact, some distillers (Jack Daniel’s in particular) filter their product through activated charcoal (Brita’s main ingredient) before bottling; they call the process charcoal mellowing.

But is it safe? Brita filters are simply not meant to handle alcohol, so who knows what is leeching into your gimlet. A better bet: buy an activated charcoal filter at a supply shop like www.Brewhaus.com for $6.50 and process it yourself.