And this is above the waist.

I have two adorable (in my eyes, at least) rats tattooed across my shoulder blades, and I’ve been feeling a certain itch to add something to my menagerie. Maybe, say, a five-inch long alligator with flamingo wings. When you’re budgetarily challenged, though, you tend to put the kind of thought into choosing a tattoo artist as you would into, say, buying a house (ha!) or… maybe picking out a new laptop.

I saved on my rats by going to an apprentice. They came to $80, with tip (about a $100 savings). But that was back in Las Vegas. Now that I’m looking to go under the gun again, I’m on the hunt for someone good, friendly, patient and, most of all, affordable, in Brooklyn.

This could be a multi-year project, so I’m starting now. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find another good tattoo artist in training. They’re just like hairdressers and massage therapists; they need to practice on a lot of people when they’re just starting out. But my big question is who can a Brooklynite turn to for artistry at a fair price?

We did a Facebook poll that turned up a few names. I showed my crude sketch (right) to three of them and asked how much it would cost to redraw it and put it on my arm. Their answers weren’t too drastically different (all of them would require a $40 to $80 deposit for the drawing).

Estimates:
Diego Mannino at  Saved Tattoo: between $250 and $350 depending on the final size and complexity of the final design.
Marina Inoue at Fly Rite Studio: about $350.
Jess Versus at Glamour Garage: in the $200 and $250 range.

I also got some money-saving advice in the process:

Do the art yourself
Mannino said one cost-cutting measure is to bring a picture you want copied exactly to a lower-priced artist. “If you bring in your own artwork, you can go almost anywhere. People come here because our artists have a certain style,” Mannino said.

Look for promotions
Shops do occasionally run promotions that can lead to free or cheap tattoos, but, as with finding a good apprentice who’ll give you a discount, it helps to be in touch with your local tattooing scene. This often requires being a loyal customer at a friendly shop, or having friends who are tattoo artists. One thing to watch for is the occasional free-tattoo promotion, but these rarely leave you with the option of choosing a design. The most common deal is something on the order of a free lucky 13 or black cat tattoo to celebrate Friday the 13th.

Who’s the best?
So far, I’ve received strong recommendations from friends to consider Alex McWatt at Three Kings Tattoo and all the artists at Brooklyn Adorned. Then I got a pile of new suggestions from Brokelyn’s Facebook friends: Robert Bonhomme at Brooklyn Tattoo got big ups, along with Dave Wallin of Eight of Swords Tattoo, among others. But the deliberations are far from over. Who’s your favorite and (fairest-priced) Brooklyn tattoo artist?

Photo courtesy of MyTwoCensus.com.

Last week, one helpful reader gave us a heads up that the 2010 census was struggling to hire qualified census takers and provided information on how to sign up for the required exam. This authentically broke writer wasted no time in calling the number provided in that post. The friendly woman who picked up the phone gave me an appointment to take the test at Metropolitan Pool, not far from my apartment in Williamsburg. Here’s how it went down:

On test day, only four other people were there. The test process itself was surprisingly un-nightmarish. I filled out a short job application before starting and the test administrator graded the exams on the spot. I even kind of enjoyed the mildly challenging questions meant to evaluate my ability to read maps, put names and dates in order, and do simple arithmetic.

Though I scored well, I couldn’t feel too optimistic after the examiner explained that veterans and those who speak a second language will be given preference over monolingual civilians like me. Where I live could also determine whether or not I have a near-future with the Census Bureau. Still, they say demand is high.

If you decide to take the test, consider going over the practice test online, but don’t sweat it. If you have the skills to pass the seventh grade, the half-hour multiple-choice exam will probably make you feel smarter. Not a bad fringe benefit for anyone duking it out in this super-competitive job market.

If you want to apply, our census tipster sent us this list of today’s testing locations (Tues. March 9):

Dumbo
1 p.m.
Dr. White Community Center – 200 Gold St.
7 p.m.
Goodwill Cornerstone Community Center – 228 York St.

Red Hook
6 p.m., Red Hook Library – 7 Wolcott St. 11231

Borough Park
Noon & 3 p.m.
Borough Park Library – 1265 43rd St.

Boerum Hill
Noon, Bethel Baptist Church – 265 Bergen St.

The City Reliquary. Photo by Eric Bartholomew.

There are many reasons to visit The City Reliquary: 1) It’s a tiny Williamsburg museum crammed full of forgotten and unseen treasures from NYC’s past, and 2) The 370 Metropolitan Ave. attraction could soon become a relic itself. The museum’s president, Dave Herman, has announced that the Reliquary needs $10,000 by the end of March to keep the doors open. What we’d lose if the money isn’t raised? Two cozy, cluttered, jewel-box-like rooms, filled with everything from early burlesque memorabilia to New Yorkers’ private unicorn figurine collections to geological samples from the bosom of Mother BK herself.

Admission’s free, but there is a donation box, which we’re sure the place would like to see full right now. You also can help out through the Reliquary’s Kickstarter page, at a couple of Knitting Factory benefits and by buying the museum’s $30 membership card, which also will get you discounts at other Williamsburg establishments.

While we’re on the topic of great, off-the-beaten-path gems, the Reliquary is just one of many Brooklyn cultural must-sees on a slightly smaller scale than giants like the Brooklyn Museum, Botanic Garden and BAM. Here’s what else is around the borough.

Photo by Katie Hargrave

International Paper Museum
No bigger than the Reliquary, The International Paper Museum (31 Grand St., Williamsburg) mounts only one show a year and is open only one day a week (Thursdays, from 2 to 6). This year, you can learn about the origins of paper making in China, with some handmade paper from the Ming Dynasty on-hand. Free.

Museum of Contemporary African Diasporan Art
MoCADA is a medium-sized museum in Downtown Brooklyn/Fort Greene (80 Hanson Place near BAM) with a big social mission: to use art and educational programming to present the history and culture of people of African descent and to address issues that affect them. Now through May 16 you can see The Gentrification of Brooklyn: The Pink Elephant Speaks. Wed. to Sun., 11 to 6, $4 suggested donation for adults, $3 for students and seniors, free for children under 12.

Coney Island Museum
For evoking a certain old-time Brooklyn, nothing can top the aroma of sweet nostalgia (with top-notes of seediness) clinging to the Coney Island Museum. Grab a few swell guys and gals, cough up the 99-cent admission some weekend between noon and 5, and glory in the vintage bumper cars, antique souvenirs and other oddities. You’ll find it all on the second floor of 1208 Surf Ave. near West 12th St. Hours may be extended in the summer.

Williamsburg Art & Historical Center
Not the tiniest of the bunch, The Williamsburg Art & Historical Center is housed in the historic Kings County Savings Bank Building at 135 Broadway.  Founded by artist and philanthropist Yuko Nii, the WAH center’s mandate is broad—to present both art and historical artifacts. Starting February 26, you can check out Other Painting II: 3rd Annual Emerging Artists from Japan. Open weekends from noon to 6. Free.

The Harbor Defense Museum
This is the place to learn everything you’ll ever need about Brooklyn Revolutionary War history. The Harbor Defense Museum is housed in the the last army fortification in New York City, Fort Hamilton in Bay Ridge, so you’ll need to show ID just to get in. The exhibit itself is rather small but the free tours are surprisingly stimulating, and the view of the inner harbor alone is well-worth the trip. Official hours are 10 to 4, Mon. – Fri., and 10 to 2, Sat., with hourly tours. Just show up, or call ahead to speed up the process and schedule your tour.

BRIC Rotunda
The BRIC Rotunda Gallery is the contemporary art exhibition space of BRIC Arts Media (33 Clinton St. in Brooklyn Heights). In keeping with BRIC Arts Media’s focus, this is the place to see multimedia art shows with a multicultural outlook. The space is free and it’s open Tues. through Fri., noon to 6.

Water Front Museum
The Water Front Museum is a floating museum on a historic river barge—the only surviving covered wooden barge of its kind. The current exhibit lodged in the deck house, Showboat: ‘Round the Bend, details the history of water-born vaudeville. With such nice views, it’s the perfect place to take a hot, handlebar-mustachioed date—or the female equivalent. Tours are free during open visiting hours (Thurs., 4 to 8 and Sat., 1 to 5). The barge, called Lehigh Valley Railroad Barge Number 79, docks at Redhook Pier 44.

Random fashiony photos courtesy of Peachfrog.

Don’t feel bad if Fashion Week has you pining for your own runway moment—for the next week, you don’t have to leave Brooklyn to get glammy. Starting on Saturday, quirky designer discounter  Peachfrog (136 N. 10^th St.), is throwing an all day fashion-show-cum-rock-concert in their Williamsburg boutique. It all starts with free beer and pizza at noon and then gets rolling at 4 p.m. with sets from Canada’s Dinosaur Bones and New York’s own The Fire and Reason, followed by dance troupe Cuban Soul on II. At 7 p.m. is a fashion show featuring Peachfrog customers dolled up in merchandise from the floor by the shop’s in-house stylist. It is Brokelyn policy not to argue with free beer and pizza.

Schedule an appointment for Saturday at Woodley and Bunny salon (96 N. 10^th St.), for a free cosmetic make-over using Smashbox’s new Heartbreaker collection. Get done up before heading over to Peachfrog. That way you can bring a little extra smolder of your own to the scene.

On Sunday you can still catch the tail end of Hayden-Harnett‘s (211 Franklin St.) studio/warehouse spring cleaning sale. On offer are a unique collection of samples, vintage items and “oddities” for up to 80 percent off.

Brooklyn-based clothing label Brooklyn Royalty has big plans for Fashion Week in Brooklyn. These plans include an interactive guide to Williamsburg and a party on Feb. 18 at the label’s new concept boutique Kingdom at 170 N. 4th  St. (between Bedford and Driggs). This unofficial launch party for Kingdom is free and open to the public. Attendees will get to see the new collection of models and view a video installation of the Fall 2010 lookbook. Other amenities include DJs, drink specials and prizes. It’s sure to be a good time, but Brooklyn Royalty designer Bob Bland is also asking that those who feel affected by the passing of Alexander McQueen dress in mourning and share their feelings in a memory book to be sent to McQueen’s office in London.

“We want people to see that fashion week isn’t just about Manhattan and the tents. Brooklyn and Williamsburg is where a lot of the fashion is coming from to begin with,” said Bland of her plans.

If for some reason you’re not sure yet what Bland means, Williamsburg Fashion Weekend, curated by King Gurvy designer Arthur Arbit, will be as good an intro as one could hope for. Entering its fourth year, these two days of avant fashion, art, dance and music (showcasing 12 designers) will take place Saturday February 20 and Sunday February 21 at Glasslands Gallery, 289 Kent Ave. Doors are at 8 both nights. Eight is also the number of dollars required to get in and see the collections of designers like Alisha Trimble and the maniacs behind Ruffeo Hearts Lil’ Snotty. The after-party on Saturday will be DJed by Jonathan Toubin, while the after-party on Sunday will feature fittingly forward-thinking music from future-electro star MDNR and DJ sets from members of These Are Powers and The Pink Stallone.

Have we missed anything? As always, please let us know in the comments.

Safak Aydemir's hand-beaded necklaces.

Stroll down Bedford Avenue on a nice day and the life of a street-vendor can look pretty appealing. So free, so independent, seem those hawkers of books and sellers of handmade mobiles you pass on the sidewalk. You start to wonder what it takes to make a living like this—whether street-vending just might be a viable career path. We’ve certainly wondered all this, and now, after badgering a few street vendors and hard-working public servants, the idea doesn’t seem so far-fetched. For all the enterprising New Yorkers out there with a folding table and dream, the many strings attached and city regulations are no barrier to engaging in this barely tolerated form of commerce.

Like any business, peddling isn’t for the lazy or the risk-averse. A hard worker can make good money from week to week, but only if fortune smiles. “On a good week, in the right place, with the right product, I’ll make $1,000,” says Uta Brauser, who’s been selling handmade adult’s and children’s hats, gloves and hoods for 15 years. Bad weeks are more like $200.

Uta Brauser selling her knitted hats on Bedford Ave.

The Key, Uta says, is “figuring out things you can make in the least amount of time, which you can sell for a very high price.” Her hats go for between $25 and $45. The gloves, on to which she sews whimsical felt claws, sell for $18. But her overhead, at least, is low. She estimates spending just $3,000 a year on materials. “My business cost is labor,” she says, estimating a 40-hour week between making and selling her products.

Uta doesn’t have a vending license; obtaining one is a long, hard route. Each year, the city issues fewer than 900 of these to non-veterans (around 1,000 are available to those who’ve served). Competition for a food vending license is even tougher. And even those who have them are likely to answer frequent questions from the police about their business status.

But you don’t need a business license to sell certain items protected under the First Amendment. The list includes art or used books, records and DVDs—but some vendors have been successful stretching the definition a bit. Newspapers and any object with a political message are covered too.

And Uta Brauser has it pretty wired. After having seen her share of challenge from the police, she now sews a tag bearing Barack Obama’s likeness inside each item for that dose of free-speech protection.

Tony Ambro, for another, sells a seemingly random assortment of things on Bedford Ave.: old records,  CDs, figurines, and a selection of religious items like Catholic medals. Religious artifacts are also free-speech protected he says, but the definition of free speech gets somewhat hazy here.

All vendors run certain risks, and those who push the boundaries of free speech protection by selling, say, hand-knitted yoga mats could be fined, receive a civil summons or even be arrested depending on an officer’s judgment call. Uta says undercover cops still give her a hard time, even with her Obama images, saying things like “you think you just stick that tag on there and have the right to be here?”

A young Brooklynite exercising her First Amendment rights, by David Henry.

No matter what they sell, serious vendors get a tax ID number for their sidewalk business. This is from NY State, and it’s not a business license—it’s what vendors need to collect sales tax, which most do. Getting it is free, and it’s easy to register here. (For more general information about starting a business in NYC, this is a helpful tip sheet.) After about 20 days, a newly minted peddler gets a tax ID number and certificate, and must then start reporting quarterly earnings. Surely, some scofflaws skip out on paperwork entirely but they run the risk of being arrested and having their merchandise confiscated.

But, as with the business licenses, there is a loop-hole. It’s possible keep things very simple by selling tax-exempt stuff, like clothing or footwear. Uta’s got this down too. Her hats, for instance, are exempt, though she does have a tax ID number. She also has an accountant, but that may be unusual among vendors.

One of the trickiest aspects of the occupation is figuring out where to set up. Most vendors will stake out a busy shopping district, but some streets have restrictions against sidewalk vendors. And a neighborhood association with a less-than-positive attitude toward sidewalk sales is more likely to contact the police about such business.

The rules of vendery are complicated and easy to violate unwittingly. Many vendors, like Tony, seem to suss things out as they go. He has tried selling above Metropolitan Ave., but now stays well below it when he sells his assortment on Bedford Ave. Such is his relationship with the local police that members of the next precinct north helpfully suggested he move south where he sees less hassling. “If you’re just selling books, they won’t bother you, and if you’re a disabled veteran they won’t bother you,” Tony says. (He’s neither disabled nor a veteran, but a friend and sometime-partner is.) He also says that you’re much more likely to receive a summons on Saturday than Sunday.

Terrence Miele sells used books at the corner of Bedford Ave. and Grand St. Some rules, he says, like maintaining 12 feet of pedestrian space wherever you set up, aren’t always feasible. But in the end, he finds he has little to worry about unless a nearby business complains. And even then, the police don’t break his back over it, he says. “It’s just tolerated. [the police] have too much going on.” Once, an officer came to answer a complaint and told Miele, “I don’t want to come here for this. I don’t give a shit what you sell.”

The rules are so prohibitively twisted and, it seems, selectively enforced that there is a movement underway to give a little more wiggle room to those who ply this hallowed New York City trade. The Urban Justice Center’s Street Vendor Project promotes easing restrictions on vendors as a way to provide jobs by encouraging entrepreneurship at the lowest level.

Despite the unpredictable nature of life behind the folding table, there are those who will tell you they love it. Safak Aydemir is one. She sets up almost daily on the corner of Bedford and N. 6^th to sell her exquisite handmade jewelry and the colorful vintage clothes she culls from thrift stores. She had a small clothing export business in her native Turkey and simply likes working for herself. “I like business,” she says.

Like a speed-dating version of art school, the review allows a photographer at any level of accomplishment to have her work critiqued in five 20-minute sessions with different professionals in the field on Sunday, Feb. 28.

This year those professionals include Abrams editorial director Deborah Aaronson, senior photo editor at Elle Magazine Jaqueline Bates, and Naomi Beckwith, assistant curator at the Studio Museum of Harlem.

If you’re a photographer, it costs $450 to sign up. So why, you may ask, are we writing about this on Brokelyn? Because 1) it’s $50 off if you sign up at Powerhouseportfolioreview.com by Thurs., Jan. 28 (plus students get $100 off) and 2) when you consider how many thousands of dollars the right insight and career advice can save you—and how much it can cost you under other circumstances—it’s potentially a steal. And where else are you going to meet these people?

Now in its sixth year, this event is organized by the cultural mavens behind Brooklyn-based art book publisher powerHouse Books. For those participating, New York Magazine photo editor Lea Golis—one of the mentors this year—advises editing one’s work tightly: “Decide beforehand on a body of work that represents what you do best and focus the portfolio on that,” she said. “We see a lot of books where the work can be all over the place and the ones that stick most in our mind have a more developed group of pictures that have focus and continuity.”

And being able to handle criticism… helps. “Each reviewer will have a different style of discussing the work,” she said. “So be prepared to accept that your work might not be to everyone’s taste.”

The powerHouse Portfolio Reviews will be held in their DUMBO venue powerHouse Arena (37 Main St.) on Sunday, Feb. 28.

On Saturday (Jan. 9) DJs Le Chev (with NYC WTF creators Dark Igloo), Eclectic Method and Faux Mex will bombard the back-room crowd at Williamsburg’s Public Assembly from 10 to 4. Expect motivating beats, Mexican wrestling masks, and a healthy helping of reconstituted classic soul music. Eclectic Method is an especially unrepentant cohort of A/V remixers and their VJ/DJ set alone should provide enough rapid-fire audio and visual pop-culture references to send you and a date into debilitating sensory overload. Or you’ll dance all night and go home happy.

RSVP on the NYC WTF Facebook page for two-for-one advance tickets (our favorite kind!) for $7 total.